I am the first in the family to graduate.
I think that should mean something to you. Regardless of whatever happened we should be able to drop it and be okay with each other cause that’s what family does we forgive and forget not forgive and use against. Why can’t you cope with what I’m going through and stay by my side rather than add to the flame. I just don’t understand why you can’t let it go and make up with me. Things has been bad for 6 months now. Half a year and I spoke to you only about 3 times. That is not what any child has to go through. I was wrong but you weren’t right either. So can’t we call It a quits and laugh together? you’re stressing and asking me to understand you? What about me? Aren’t I human too. Aren’t these my feelings. Isn’t this my heart? Shouldn’t I be able to feel too? Am I not going through stress? 2 days left and I am graduating. I am accomplishing something that I have fought against for 4 years and yet I feel absolutely nothing. This isn’t right. I should feel excitement, anxiety or happy but, nope nothing. I guess that’s life. Shit happens. Things go down. it just hurts a bit that you won’t see me take a new step into the next chapter of my life and you won’t let me do shit about it.
Liking you and trying to court you is like climbing up a flight of stairs. First time seeing how many stairs I have to climb I might hesitate because I’ll feel like I won’t make it. I can either walk away to regret not trying how far I’ll get or I can see if climbing those stairs were worth the run. However I must consider, once I start climbing those stairs after I lift my feet off one step and on to the next, the step disappears and I can’t turn back, what will I do? And although even when I’ve got enough energy to climb to one of the highest level, if your not cooperating then the harder I’ll fall. So don’t lead me on to the first step of the stairs if you’re not going to hold my hand and guide me til we climb together to see a beautiful view on the rooftop. I’d rather you tell me straight up before I start trying and develop feelings than have my effort put to waste and my feelings shattered. Dont give me little signs if all you’re doing is playing. A person can have only so much to give, it’s not fair for you to play around.
It’s been two years since I’ve known you and it’s been two years since I’ve had these on and off crushes on you. There would be times where you just disappear and the feelings fade but when I see you again, I fall for you all over again. The way you move, the way you talk, your voice, those eyes and that smile. You have me at hello, every time. Just being in the same room as you I can’t help but want to look at you. Youre sitting across the room on your laptop with earphones on. You then take a quick break by just looking around the room and we catch each other’s eyes then you just crack a soft smile at me. You makes my heart skip beats. I want to know what you’re doing, how your day went, have you eaten yet, are you feeling better today? I just want to know you. Possibly take care of you. But I can’t. Nope. Cause you’re just going to disappear again.
He asked me why I had trust issues.
I replied “because of guys like you.”
It happens all the time. We would want to do something but the fear of us not getting what we want, the way we want it causes us to hesitate and in the end what happens? Our time has become shorter. After we hesitate and find out if we would have done what we wanted too and the person would have done it back. Damn… What’s the point of saying, “If I would have known that you wanted me too. I would have grabbed and held your hands sooner. I would have hugged you earlier. I should have made you someone special in my life or at least I would have tried too.” WHEN ITS TOO LATE?
Over the years I have hesitated and lost many chances. I still do, we all do. All we have to do is notice the little signs they give us. Now I’d rather take a chance and find out what can happen over not doing anything and regretting after we know what could have happened but never happened.
I have been told to not talk to a guy because he talks to girls one after another. I have been told someone has told a guy to not talk to me because I talk to guys one after another. First thing that come into our mind is yes we shouldn’t talk to that person. We don’t ask why that person talks to many people and we don’t try to understand their position because we have already assumed that person is a “playa.”
Have you considered he has been deeply hurt and by him talking to these girls he is actually in search for that spark again? Have you considered by her talking to these guys she’s trying to start over and giving herself a new hope, one that might be better than the one guy before? No we don’t think about that. We instantly conclude that the guy is a manwhore and the girl is a slut. What I’m trying to say is regardless of how many people we come across talking with it shouldn’t matter and no one should get labeled for wanting something special. Obviously the talking stage did not go well because if it did it would have became “official.” It isn’t right for a person to talk to many people at once but just consider that they might be looking for something they haven’t found.